Friday, November 26, 2010

Truth and Lies

This has been running on my mind for quite some time now, don’t know why this incident from my childhood keeps flashing! This incident is etched in my memory in such unerasable ink that I still feel like a VII std girl caught red-handed by my father! This goes out to my parents, whose upbringing, I am extremely proud of. Thank you dad and mom for bringing me up the way you have brought me up – with honesty and integrity that I never need be ashamed of.

It was my VI std annual exam holidays and my result (that I had passed VI) and the list of books, notebooks to be bought for VII std had already reached our house through post. We were going out that day to get school uniforms. There was a small discussion if we have to take the book/notebook list also or not. Parents felt it was not needed because even if we bought the books/notebooks, getting them back home would be a problem (Already 4 of us on a 100 CC INDSuzuki was quite an effort). But I was a little too excited to buy books the very same day, I wanted to finish off my English Text Book and Non-Detailed Book ASAP. I did try arguing, but then I gave up because even I knew that bringing the books/notebooks would not be possible. So all the four of us got ready and we were about to leave. Just before going out of the house, my eyes fell on the paper that contained the list of books. My temptation got the better of me and I grabbed the list in my palm and ran out to my waiting parents. Just in case my father changes his mind after going to the cloth merchants'.

I was sandwiched in between my father, who was riding and my mother who was on pillion, still clutching the paper tight in my palms lest it flies away. We went to the Binny showroom, got uniforms for both my brother and myself. I was engrossed in the uniform material, excited about the new clothes and generally very interested in the big Binny showroom! I realised after a while that there was no paper in my hand and I had lost it. I could neither tell my parents nor search for it myself without attracting their attention! I was terrified because I had lost the only list that I had, I could not tell my parents about it because I had brought it along without their knowledge. I became a little quiet, scanning with my eyes all the places that I had been to, but no paper.

My father got the uniforms billed, and all the four of us left. Me with a heavy heart for what I had done. Half way through the journey back home, my father suddenly asked, “Do you have the list of books to be bought? I will be passing by the book shop in a few minutes, so perhaps we can get at least a few books!” I hesitated, I said, “No daddy, since you had said that we would not be going to the bookstores today, I have not brought the list!” My father asked me again, “Are you sure you did not bring the list? We could still make it to the bookstore.” This time without a second’s hesitation I said, “Sure, I did not bring the list, let us go home”. I could have confessed at least then, I had got a chance and still I did not use it!

The next thing father did would remain forever in my memory! He stopped the bike on the side of the road, made me get down and gave me the list. He said, “ I saw this list at the billing counter right next to the place where you had been standing, I realized that you have brought it and misplaced it there. But why should you lie to me? Is this how I have brought my children up that they are afraid of telling me the truth? Is this how good my parenting is?”. He saw my mother and said, “I have failed today. I am disappointed with what my daughter has done.”

Without another word, he told me get onto the bike again and we rode back in silence. Back home, supper was in silence – at least for me! The guilt of having let down my father, the guilt of not having trusted the power of truth hung over me largely!

Well, nothing cinematic happened after that – that night or the next day or the day after that. My parents would have probably forgotten this incident. But from then on, I have never lied to my parents to hide my mistakes. I have been incapable of lying to them esp if a confession was in the wings!

Thanks dad, thanks mom! Thanks for the way you have made me what I am!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

An Open Love Letter!

To Hubby Dearest,

This letter is long time due to you. I got time to pen it only during our second anniversary. Things would not have changed much had I written it during our first anniversary or during our fiftieth anniversary.

There are so many things that you taught me, so many privileges that you gave me, so many rights you snatched from me. But first of all, Thanks – for putting up with me for 2 years!

You taught me how to love – unconditionally.

You taught me to be a planner – a thinker.

You taught me the meaning of life – its hardships and its rewards!

You gave me the privilege of taking decisions – for you!

You gave me the privilege of being a mother – for you and your son!

You snatched my basic right – of being ruthlessly indisciplined!

For all that you have done to me and for all that you will continue to do to me – I just wanna say – I Love You!

I Love You

For the way you fall asleep in mid sentence. Oh No! Not when I am talking. But when you are talking and am listening. Agreed that it is late into the night and it is you who is boring me with your office politics! But how is it that I am still awake waiting for you to finish the line, when I hear only a slight snore! But how can you fall asleep without even finishing the sentence?

For the way you clean up the sofa. One minute the sofa is strewn with clothes to be pressed, the day’s newspaper, Mannu’s toys and your dried up empty coffee tumbler. The next minute the sofa is neat – ready to be seated. You have just pushed the whole lot on to the floor. One can hardly keep a step on the floor. But who cares! The sofa is neat. When! Oh when will you realize that cleaning up a place means really cleaning up and not shifting the bulk from one place – wholesale – to another?

For the way you tirelessly reply back to my questions posed at nights with an “hmm” or “ok”, or even pose another question in return, only for me to realize the next day that you had fallen asleep long back and your replies have been pre-recorded and played back superbly by your brain – like how it happens in boring lecture sessions in college. I can understand “hmm’s” and “ok’s”. But how do u pose another question without even knowing what was talked about and without even remembering anything the next day?

Phew!!! You are You!!

And that is why… I Love You

For the Way You Are... You!

With Lots of Love,


Thursday, May 6, 2010

A Fool

how foolish can i be!!

when i see you crying in pain, i hug you praying that your pain should reduce!.... you are crying because you fell down after a very enjoyable mischief - you stood up holding on to the sofa, first time without my help. here i was looking at you and relishing the moment - don't 7 month olds try to stand up! so what is so special about you standing up that i lost my senses to admire you! and how will a hug relieve you of your pains?

you fell sick after licking anything and everything that came to your hand.. stomach infection and now diarrhoea. here i was kissing you everytime you threw out re assuring you, actually falsely re assuring, that with my kisses your diarrhoea would be controlled! how will a kiss cure you?

you fell asleep on my shoulders, holding on to my hair and my dress, i refuse to put you in bed and go to sleep myself. i refuse to even give you to your father. i think you will wake up, if i leave you! how will letting you you go, disturb you?

how utterly foolish!!!

i knew i was a big fool, when i fell in love - with your father and now dear son, you have made me realise that i can be a bigger fool - after you came into my life!!

Note: Never thought even in my wildest of dreams that I would be writing on the goodness of motherhood!! :) :)